Hi, my name is Erika Sams, and I grew up in a fundie, evangelical, quiverfull household. The oldest of 9 children, I was the “second mom” of the family, and one of the most devout in my faith. Today, I have fully deconstructed from religion and while I remain open minded to the world, the universe, and all its mysteries, I am an atheist. The following is a brief explanation behind my blog entitled “My Spiritual Journey” where I share what it’s like to grow up fundamental and eventually deconstruct.
So, what is it? A 17-page essay I wrote initially in my journal in 2017 and would finally be published on my former website in 2021 as a 4-part series. The series was well received by many, but those who had known me in what I know call my “former life” as a good Christian girl had a harder time receiving it. Many family members unfriended me, (though for most of those it was the chord cutting of already strenuous relationships.) The loudest fit, however, was thrown by my estranged father. He had been following my work for years, reading and recording every word and photo shared, but what took his reaction to the next level was when I shared a YouTube interview I had done with Tim Mills of Harmonic Atheist. (I’ll link the video here; it provides a lot of insight and backstory to my journey growing up and eventually leaving Christianity.) My father found this video and not only commented publicly but found Tim Mill’s email address and began reaching out to him directly. I’m very grateful for Tim’s discretion as he did not feed into my father’s taunts and obvious bait. My dad sent post cards, emails which included many family members and people he knew, and made videos reacting to my interview and blogs. It was extremely triggering to me at the time, exasperated by sexual harassment I’d dealt with all too recently and my religious trauma in full force, I caved under the pressure. I took down my website, the blogs, and for the most part didn’t talk about my deconversion…until now.
There are many stories I would like to share about what has happened since discontinuing my website, and over time I will, but right now I want to speak specifically about the series where I finally laid bare my journey with religion. I’m publishing it again under my new website as it was seen when it was originally published back in 2021. Reading through it I’m critical of myself and believe that I could write and express these feelings better now, but that is for me to do in the future. In honor of who I was and where I was back then, and for those who will relate to Erika 2021, I’m giving her to you without any changes. Accept her with grace.
In the future I will continue to share new content, and old blogs which had been previously removed. I’ve realized how important it is to not hide thoughts of the past just because they’ve improved or evolved. That’s part of the journey, and it’s taken all those phases of life from kneeling at the alter to journaling under the full moon, to come together and make me who I am today; and I’m proud of that.
My Spiritual Journey: https://www.unicornhairandlattes.com/post/my-spiritual-journey
YouTube Interview: https://youtu.be/iLkVg3QWuks?si=vreQLAIr1gv-dtxr
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erikasamss/
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